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Grandpa Time: The coming zombie apocalypse
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GRANDPA TIME

Grandpa Time: The coming zombie apocalypse

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Halloween is right around the corner and soon thoughts will turn to carving pumpkins, dressing up as a superhero and going trick-or-treating. It’s also a season of goblins and ghouls and things that go bump in the night. And our house is no exception.

Kaibert has quite the imagination and there is never a dull moment when I am around him. When I go to visit him, I never know what or who I may encounter.

One afternoon, I walked into the living room and Kaibert was wearing a Tupperware bowl on his head. “It’s a helmet Grandpa. Grandma is a zombie!”

“What?” I asked, “Grandma’s a zombie?”

“Yes!” he answered, “and she is trying to eat my brains!”

I am not sure where he learned about zombies, but I have my suspicions. You see, my wife, Amy, once dragged me to a chick flick called “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies,” a 2016 historical action comedy horror film.

As I recall, she was enthralled with the zombies. I didn’t understand because this is the same woman who refused to get a flu shot because she said it transmitted the zombie virus and when the zombie apocalypse takes place, she wasn’t going to be a zombie like the rest of us who had received the flu shot. So why, all of sudden, she was sympathizing with the zombies?

It just did not make sense.

But wait, Kaibert was born in 2015. And that year Amy did receive a flu shot because the baby was coming. Was she inadvertently exposed to the zombie virus? Was it lying dormant, waiting for some type of trigger? That could explain her fascination with the zombies and why she was drawn to their characters. And sadly, I did not see it coming.

Why did it take four years to manifest itself? What was the trigger? Again, I do not know, and I did not have time to figure it out. Kaibert and I had to act fast if we were to protect our family, our neighborhood, and our community against a potential Zombie Apocalypse.

If we were to avoid becoming zombies ourselves, we had work to do. We went downstairs to the laboratory, pronounced lah-bore-a-tory, and we began working on a Zombie Repellant Spray. Besides helmets to protect our brains, maybe, just maybe, the Zombie Repellant would ward off Grandma, at least long enough for us to run to safety.

Just as we finished preparing our first batch of repellant, Grandma came into the room, her hands clenched in a claw like position and she growled, “Brains, brains...I want brains.”

I threw a can of Zombie Repellent to Kaibert and he sprayed his grandmother. She recoiled and ran from the room.

“Boy, was that a close call,” I said, “good thing we had the Zombie Repellant.”

I then told him that I could not be there to protect him 24/7 and that he had to be careful around Grandma. Now that would be tricky because Grandma often watched him while I was at work and she could be sneaky.

I reminded him that if she came into the room with a spoon and no bowl, watch out, she probably was going to snack on his brains. I also told him that if she wanted to look at his head, run.

I gave him a good supply of zombie repellant and warned him to use it. If he ran low, he was to call me immediately and I would be right over with more.

Before I left with his grandma, he pulled me aside, handed me a can of zombie repellant and said, “Take this Grandpa, you are going to need this.”

As I left through the back door, Kaibert, still wearing his Tupperware helmet, opened the door and said, “Grandpa! You better get a helmet too.”

There is nothing like being a grandpa. In fact, it is the best job in the world.

David Maack is married to Amy. They have two children, Maria (Kiondre) and David II and two grandchildren, Kaibert and Tannerbert.

David Maack is married to Amy. They have two children, Maria (Kiondre) and David II and two grandchildren, Kaibert and Tannerbert.

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